I’ve had some great questions posed to me in emails and often the conversations are interesting enough to share.
Got a question you’d like to ask? Send it to: [email protected]
How Can You Possibly Have Meaningful Communication with a Language Barrier?
I had a question and it my be in two parts,,,,,,,,,I notice you met Anna
over 7 years ago and I believe you stated when you met her she did not
know English, so did you use a translator for the time you were there
and was that enough time for you to decide to bring her to USA on a
visa? also during your wait was she able to learn english before
arriving in USA and also I know you mention back then you had no skype
so did you only communicated by email?……the reason I am asking
these questions is I just find it very hard to see how two people can
be together and they cannot communicate on there own at first. This is
my biggest fear and I guess this is why I keep trying to only meet
women from Ukraine that speak English, because I just find it very
hard to build anything with anyone if I cannot have a direct
communication, I just wanted to know more about your story because I
seen Anna and she speaks english well so it make me think maybe there
is hope to meet someone with no english skills, please comment as much
as you can on all this.
That is such a great question. Thanks for taking the time to ask it so well.
You may have an erroneous image in your mind about what it was like. If you think we sat awkwardly wondering what to say, I’m here with good news. We communicated at a deeper level – and more freely – than I’ve every had with an American woman. Let me explain.
In the West we have a bad habit of only listening to half of what people say before we start to formulate our response. We miss out on so much communication. We miss out on so many of the subtleties of body language and inflection.
The way I teach people to use a translator is to focus on the object of your communication – the lady you are with. You speak to her with full expression and hand gestures the way you would any other native English speaker. You talk for a minute then pause to allow the translator to share your words with your lady. As she does, you watch her reactions as she hears your thoughts. Then she speaks back to you, but in Russian. You can’t understand a word, so your senses are entirely open to receive every other form of communication you can receive. When you hear the translated words spoken to you it becomes this satisfying circle of complete understanding – unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before.
When I say that Anna and I both knew we were meant for each other within an hour of that first date, you have to know that we communicated some very deep concepts with each other – and it was as if there was no translator.
When I returned home our bond had already been forged. Our communications were through translated emails for the first 2 1/2 months – using the same translator we had while I was there. During this time she was taking English classes 3 days/week. When I returned to visit her again after those first 2 1/2 months her English had improved so much we didn’t need a translator ever again.
I hope that paints a better picture of what this is like. I’d recommend it to anyone!
For more information, watch this video presentation I did on the subject: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ppv8HU0bwpo
How Do You Decide Who to Invite to the Events?
How are ladies chosen, I mean, how do you decide who to invite?
How do you keep track of all the ladies in your database?
These are important questions. It’s a key component that sets us apart from everyone else.
There are two answers to your question: one is logistical based on our current situation and the other is relational. First, we do have many more ladies than are shown in the current database simply because this current database isn’t functioning well and we’re about to launch a new one. When we do, you’ll see many more profiles than we currently show. That’s one reason we tell our tour men to also give us photos or video stills from past tours showing ladies they could be interested in.
Second, we make personal contact with the ladies prior to the tours. We ask each tour client to send Anna a list of 20 ladies that represent the type they are hoping to meet. We use the list from the client as a point of conversation for my wife to know the client better and to help her decide who to invite based on the man’s preferences. Yes, there are some ladies we have that don’t want to be on a public site but would love to meet men who come. Once Anna has had the Skype call with the client and reviewed his list, then she or Marina will make the calls to the ladies. When they do they check to see if they’re still single. It may be that since we last spoke with them that they now have a boyfriend. This is why we don’t make those calls until two weeks prior to the tour start date. We also share with her the profiles of the man who invited her, which has been translated into Russian.
We only invite about 8 ladies per client (10 to 12 clients will meet 40 different ladies on each of the two days of events). You may find that only 4 of the ladies from your list of 20 are there, but another 4 were invited for you that won’t be found anywhere else except for showing up.
If you’re the type of mind to count cards at the black jack table then you’ll have to put that behind you when you show up. This isn’t a game of odds. You can only marry one. You’re there to see who you really spark with. It may be one and she ends up becoming your wife (i.e.: Jeremy, Ryan, Nick, and others). Or you may have 12 that you really want to go out with after you meet all of these ladies – and many men have been in that tough position.
You can’t count odds for human chemistry, but I hope you better understand our system now.
Why Do Some Relationships Not End in Marriage?
Why do some boyfriend/girlfriend relationships that start on a Quest Tour not end in marriage?
It is because things happen so fast and the women know so little abut the man? Could that be a reason why some started a relationship but not end in marriage?
I appreciate your question because this is one of the great mis-perceptions, that these relationships are rushed.
You see, it could take 6 to 8 months before an American can finish the visa work to bring her home. They will have a lot of time to get to know each other – and other return trips to visit together – before they have to decide on marriage. Most of them Skype and Viber with each other nearly every day in between trips. Getting to know someone this way means that people feel very confident in their choice long before they marry.
In most cases, the reasons they break off the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship is because the chemistry fades. They meet in person and the energy is high. After a while of Skyping and texting they find how they relate to daily life those differences come out. Those who are supposed to marry do – and those who find that they’re not feeling the connection break it off. This is how things should be.
The only thing decided in the 9-day tour is whether two people wish to exclusively pursue each other or not. The TLC documentary we were just on made it look like John Henry was proposing marriage to his girl. They conveniently left out part of his speech where he made it clear his proposal was just that of boyfriend / girlfriend for now and that they’d see where it would go, but be exclusive for a time.
These things are not as rushed as you would think – and people make decisions based on whether or not they feel the other person is the one they’d like to spend the rest of their life with. Those decisions are affirmed during courtship – as they should be.
Does She Expect to Live in a Big City?Hi Mark, I just got offered a new position at my company and ill have work in a small town: pop. 3,000. I’m thinking I should move to a bigger city to make my future Ukrainian wife happy, but that would mean an hour commute to my new position. Do most women prefer to live in a bigger city (since Nikolaev has a population over 300,000)? Would it be a hard transition for her? I just want to make the right choice not only for me but also for her. Look forward to your thoughts. Jerry
It really depends on the layout of your small town and how close the next largest city is. If your small town is centered around a quaint downtown area where you can live close to (so she can walk to the market or meet someone for coffee) then you’re fine. You can always do things out of town on the weekends. Just set up a good life for the both of you. These aren’t like American women so you don’t need to assume she’s looking for a big city. She’s looking to find her match.Just don’t make her feel isolated while you’re at work and she’ll be looking forward to you coming home at the end of the day.
The time to really discuss this with her is when you’re having those “What If” conversations on your second or third date after both of you feel there is chemistry between you. Don’t try to pre-qualify a date with this question before she feels like you guys could even be a fit.
What is the Itinerary of a Quest Tour?Hi,Thanks for the great information on the website.
Do you have a sample itinerary or can you let me know what the days and nights look like?
We print out a custom document for each tour that includes the times and locations of all events plus a list of places to visit in the city with maps. It also includes a full directory of all of the ladies who have confirmed to attend.
The basic itinerary of every tour is:
- Arrive at the airport by 2:00pm on the Friday the tour begins.
- We bus the group to Nikolaev and check in to the hotel
- 7:30 is the traditional Ukrainian dinner where the guys get to meet their personal assistants for the week
- 10:00am Saturday I coach the guys for an hour.
- 11:30 we head over to the restaurant where the ladies are waiting – and we start the speed dating event
- The event ends around 3:30 and the guys get with their translators to set up dates and then go out with one or two that afternoon/evening
- Sunday is an exact repeat (except that we meet for breakfast at 9:00 instead of coaching session at 10:00)
- Monday through Thursday is set for filling the calendar with dates
- Every morning at 9:00 I’m available at breakfast for those who want to connect in the morning.
- I do coaching all week long as questions arise.
- Friday night at 5:00 we meet to get on the bus and go to the Castle Dinner event – like prom night.
The Quest Tour is officially over at that point and some men take flights home on Saturday. Many men stay longer than the official tour end. Whatever the case, we make arrangements to get everyone back to the airport in time for their flights.
I hope that answers your question.
How do I start – how can I meet the girls on your site?
What we do is very personalized. When you put down a deposit toward a tour you’ll receive a profile form to complete. We then ask you to select 20 ladies from our database that are closest to what you’re looking for and then schedule a Skype appointment with Anna. She’ll get a sense of what you’re looking for and then take your profile and present it to the ladies to invite them to our events to meet you.
Until you’re ready to think about going, the profiles are really just ‘view only’.
There’s more information about our Quest Tours at: http://www.DreamConnections.
Is Love Even Possible Anymore?
I have been hurt so many times i getting tried of trusting anyone out
there. I was dating a woman from Canada who used me again for the last
time. I come from good family, good career seems all i find is women
looking for my money. Please help
In my book I shared similar stories from my own dating experience. I described the common attitudes of dating women in the US like this, “They seem to convey an attitude that says, “Hey, I’ve already got a good job and drive a nice car – what else are you bringing to the table?” And thus they layout their priorities and we just find it repulsive.
The reason that smart, professional men are looking overseas is to find women with an entirely different world view. I’m confident you’ll find what you’re looking for in Ukraine. They see the value of men, family, and relationships as more valuable than the materialism that seems to dominate the value system in the West.
If you haven’t done so already, I hope you’re able to watch that second video in the Ultimate Match video course. It covers the differences between the women here and abroad. If not, just sign up at http://www.UltimateMatchVideoSeries.com
What Are My Chances of Meeting a Lady from the Website?
Thanks for the question. When we start working with a client who will be joining a Quest Tour we ask him to select 20 profiles that he’s drawn to out of our database of ladies. Anna then sets up a Skype call to review these with him and get to understand more about what he’s hoping to find.
Anna will then contact the ladies, plus others she feels would be a good fit, and invites them to attend the events on his Quest Tour. Every lady who attends has been personally contacted and screened and invited. She will have a name badge waiting for her with her photo on it. No one attends our events who was not invited.
To directly answer your question, about 60% of the ladies you’d meet on your Quest Tour you will recognize from our database. The other 40% were either personally known to Anna or one of our staff, or simply didn’t want to have their profiles made public.
Aren’t they All Scammers?
Most of the men who find us have already spent considerable time with other dating websites and come to the same conclusion. ”It’s all a scam”, they say. In fact, I’m going to further expose one tomorrow night on my Webinar.
However, it’s an absolutely unfair statement to say that 9 out of 10 Ukrainian women are not legit and here’s why. Between all of the dating sites, from AFA, AnastasiaDate, Dream Marriage, Elena’s Models, and the rest, there are probably 30,000 profiles online. However, if you’ve seen my Webinar on how the industry works, you realize that most of them rarely interact with the men but local agency translators correspond on their behalf. In many instances, the only time most of these women are even contacted is when a guy is actually coming to town and then they show her all of the correspondence that had been exchanged with the man ahead of time.
Most of them would hope to find a good guy and are disappointed by the tours and local agencies. About 20% of the women in those 30,000 profiles work at some level to make some money from it. About 5% of that 30,000 are professionals who work for the local agencies translating letters.
However, there are nearly 25 million women in Ukraine – approximately 10 million in the 20 to 25 age range. Most of them are completely unaware of what goes on at AFA or any other agency and have never considered signing up with one or even aware given it serious thought. They aren’t looking for foreign men or thinking about ever leaving their country.
So what makes the difference with our model? How can we introduce 12 men to 75 Ukrainian women at our most recent Quest Tour and not one of them ask any of the men for a dime?
It comes back to the basics – you have to have someone in Ukraine you trust to speak with the women and only make introductions with ones they believe are there for the right reasons. What we do, similar to what you suggested, is check their ID within 2 weeks of our events and interview them again to make sure nothing changed since we were last in contact with them. The information has to be that fresh.
There are many specific things we do to find and interview the ladies to try to assure that we have sincere women at our events for our men to meet. But beyond the advanced work, you’re using your own instincts because your first meeting is in person and not online. You also have a personal assistant/dedicated translator working for you by your side through the entire experience. She’ll tell you immediately if she senses anything manipulative or insincere. No other company offers these things. We ARE different – and our track record backs that up.
I do appreciate where you’re coming from – nearly all of our customers have been there and shared the same concerns. But, in the end, they were all impressed that we over-delivered on the experience we describe.
Let me know how we can help you on your quest.